Pretty Nerd Read online

  I take another sip of champagne. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do, Bob,” I begin clicking a few things and then the email’s being sent directly to Bob’s inbox, “I’ve just sent you my considered answer. You might want to check your emails.”

  His head jerks comically back and I open up the same email on my screen as I wait for him to do the same. “What is this?”

  I’m sipping champagne as I scroll down through the images from ten years ago, of me standing beside Lyla Parsons, outside the original Has Beans in New Hampshire, opening the second store across town, my one hundredth across the state, my one-thousandth in New England, three thousandth on the east coast and finally, me from two weeks back when I opened my five-thousandth Has Beans in Boulder, Colorado. The following images are of my houses, hotels, businesses, fleets of cars, yachts, sports teams, worthless celebrities kissing my ass, two presidents, an emperor, and finally, an image of just one of my bank accounts with all those beautiful zeros, baby.

  I lean back and wait for him to speak, the man doesn’t look well at all.

  “B … B … Blake, it was you all along?”

  I decide to forgive him for the familiarity on this occasion, he’d taken a knocking these last few minutes. “The irony is, I have you to thank for everything I have, for giving me the steel, focus and drive I needed to get back on my feet and take my revenge.” I refill the glass and hold it up. “I’ll drink to that.”

  He quickly leans down to the side and throws up into a trashcan. When he returns, he wipes his mouth and begs, “I have a family, Blake.”

  And the thing is that the moment BrewHouse Coffee goes under, Has Beans will mop up what’s left of their market share.

  “And it’s because of what you made me that I don’t.”

  I end the call.

  Chapter Two

  Blake

  “Come in,” I call after hearing a knock at my office door. My gym bag’s slung over my shoulder and I’m in a rush to get to the company gym downstairs so that I can bench some heavy weights before knocking the living crap out of my trainer’s boxing pads. After securing my long fought for vengeance against Bob, I’m in a rare mood to wail on these guns before taking a long, hot sit in the sauna.

  It’s Doug, the head of my discovery division. “Ah, did I catch you on your way out?” Just like every man who enters my office, he’s distracted by Sonja, who right now is arranging my meeting with the CEO of a tech startup we’re investing in. She looks every bit the slutty librarian in her glasses, shirt with top two buttons undone and one long leg crossed over the other. For a second, he looks at me hopelessly, doubtless just another employee who assumes we’re fucking.

  “I was, so make it quick,” I hitch the bag to emphasize my point.

  He swallows. “If now’s not a good…”

  “Listen, Doug,” I snarl, “if whatever it is ain’t important then why are you even bothering the major shareholder, chairman and CEO of the company at all?” I’m looking down on him and check my Rolex. “Unless you thought to waste my time?”

  He shakes his head vigorously. “No, of course not.”

  “Then what is it?”

  He shuts the door and manages to pull his gaze away from my Russian assistant for long enough to get to the point. “I was hoping for a favor.”

  I’m not a monster, despite what some people might say, and Doug has been working for me long enough to know I don’t mind doing favors. In business, you often have to play the long game, which means building connections and helping people, doing favors. “Well?” Maybe it’s my blunt nature that makes people so apprehensive around me, but it’s those qualities that have got me where I am today. That and being a ruthless son-of-a-bitch.

  He sighs and flaps his palms. “It’s my daughter, Alice, she’s been accepted to Harvard and…”

  “Congratulations.”

  “Yes, well, as you know, the admissions committee encourages students to defer their enrollment for one year so that they can…”

  “‘As you know?’ What do you mean, as I know?”

  He glances out at the New York City skyline, back to the busty blonde and sounds almost disbelieving, “you mean, you’re not a Harvard man?”

  I fold my arms and can feel my biceps threatening to tear through my shirt. “Everything that I know, I learned from my pops, as well as from my own experiences. I built this company from the ground up and I did it all without some fancy-ass degree.”

  “Right…” he hisses and when I glance beyond him to the door, he shakes his head and is quick to continue, “anyway, Blake, she’s differing her enrollment for one year…”

  “You already said that.”

  “And, um, well, for nine months of that time, she’s decided she’d like to travel the world with her friend, which leaves three months for…”

  “Work experience.” I finish for him and nod my head. “Your daughter sounds sensible. It’ll look great on her resume and with a degree from Harvard, she’ll be able to choose her employer. What does any of that have to do with me?”

  He sucks in air. “I was hoping you wouldn’t mind her working those three months at Ruddiger Ventures?” He coughs into a closed fist and is quick to tack on, “unpaid, of course.”

  I’m bristling at this idea. “Doug, I don’t think so, you remember what happened to Terry, right?”

  Interns are an accident waiting to happen in today’s climate, especially when there are powerful and wealthy men around the place who all provide easy pickings for predatory women. Terry had been the head of my tech division, at least until he was accused of taking advantage of a young intern in her gap year, a situation that sounds remarkably similar to what Doug’s suggesting now. Of course, that the security cameras had caught Terry balls deep in her ass on top of the photocopier had hardly helped his case, and after letting Terry go it was me who had to pay the large settlement fee, though definitely not before learning a valuable lesson - No more female interns.

  Doug begins mashing his mouth, like there’s more he needs to say but can’t quite figure out how to say it. “Erm…”

  “You can tell me what it is, Doug.”

  He takes a breath. “She’s innocent, Blake.”

  I bark out loud at that. “Innocent? And you know that for sure, do you?” I’m laughing hard now. “How old is she anyway, eighteen, nineteen?”

  His face reddens. “Alice has just turned eighteen and I won’t stand to have her violated. She knows all about men like Terry and I’ve told her to stay well away from people like that.”

  I try to stop laughing but find it hard. “Looks like you have her told then, but seriously, your daughter never dated in high school?” I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with her, though one look at her father soon answers that query.

  He folds stick-thin arms over a scrawny chest. “She went to an all-girls boarding school, Blake, which is how I know she’s innocent and will remain that way until the day she’s married.”

  “If you say so.”

  It’s beginning to sound like Doug’s just as innocent as the daughter, supposedly anyway. How he came to be a father in the first place is a mystery, especially when it’s becoming increasingly difficult to believe he somehow managed to arrive at work on the subway all by himself. Worse, because I remember he’s one of my department heads and his job requires a certain degree of street smarts. Lucky he’s good with the numbers. He’s gritting his teeth now but because he still needs this favor, he’s forcing himself to remain civil. “She won’t be a risk. Three months, that’s all, and then she’s gone forever. I promise, she won’t be a problem and she’ll be under my supervision every minute of every day.”

  I breathe loudly and pat the imbecile on the back in a way that makes his shoulders hitch up with pain. “Be it on your head, Doug, and I mean that! Don’t forget those things called security cameras. If I have to watch one of my best people fucking her in the janitor’s closet, not only will I be really mad, but it’s you who
I’ll hold personally responsible, so make sure you keep innocent Alice on a tight leash, you got that?”

  His fists are clenching and I hope I haven’t pushed the guy too far. I like Doug, he’s one of those ‘nice’ guys and he makes me an awful lot of fucking money. I study him for a moment, his puny legs, paunchy belly, bitch tits, scrawny neck, sickly face, spectacles and brown hair parted over to the side like Clark Kent on his way to a nerd convention. There’s literally no danger of anybody at Ruddiger Ventures wanting to take the elevator down with innocent Alice, if you know what I mean, but I’m not such a jackass that I’m about to tell him that, so instead I pat him again on the back and remind him to keep the girl away from me. He tells me it won’t be a problem and then I’m striding through the office and there are over four hundred people suddenly dipping their heads or squinting harder at their screens pretending to be occupied.

  I spend the next couple of hours beating the shit out of my trainer.

  Chapter Three

  Alice

  I’m so excited about my first day going to the office with Dad that I can barely contain myself. It’s the first job I’ve ever had, well, unless the paper route counts or selling lemonade on the roadside but I was only fourteen when I did that so I don’t suppose it counts at all. It’s funny, but back then some of the local kids would gather to make fun of me, saying mean things like I was too old to be selling lemonade but I didn’t care because, well, who doesn’t love lemonade? I’ve been away at an all-girls high school upstate and now that I’m back in the city, I’ve seen some of those same kids hanging out on our street. It’s funny, but they treat me differently now and I can’t quite seem to figure out why. Tyler was always the worst and I remember the time he came by my stall, took two whole cups of lemonade and then refused to pay. When I said I’d run and get my dad, he just laughed, called me a nerd and then spat lemonade all over the place. I saw Tyler again yesterday and he was acting quite different from how I remember, in fact, I wasn’t even sure it was the same person. His eyes were constantly glazed over and it was almost like my face didn’t exist, the way he kept staring down at my sweater that gran knitted. I asked him if he was alright but the only answer he gave was an incoherent stutter so I couldn’t understand a word of it. I said that I’d see him later but little did I know how soon later would turn out to be. I went to old man Henderson’s for some Skittles and even he was acting strange. It’s sad how people you know can change, that they can go from bright and alert to dopey and drooling in just four years. I handed over my money and left and Tyler was standing outside. Oh, hello again, I told him and waited for him to say something. I offered him a Skittle and when he reached into the bag, his hand was shaking terribly. I said he should probably pay a visit to the doctor because I didn’t think that was healthy but he just said he’d rather go to the movies instead. I told him to have fun and danced home eating the rest of my Skittles. When I reached the gate, I happened to notice Tyler hunching at the end of the street looking in my direction. I waved and he turned away. I had no idea the movie theater was in the direction of my house but then what do I know, I’ve been away these last four years being taught Latin verb tables by nuns. It was when Dad and I were at the table saying grace when there was a knock at the door. Dad got real angry at being interrupted and stormed out to see who it was. A minute later he returned asking who Tyler was, how I knew him and what he was doing calling around asking for me. I told him he was one of the local kids who used to purchase my lemonade (I didn’t tell Dad that Tyler always refused to pay) and that I’d seen him several times over the last few hours. Dad shouted, which was scary because Dad rarely ever shouts, and then for the rest of dinner he was very quiet. At breakfast, he said he was worried about my gap year and that he didn’t want me traveling the world going to so many dangerous locations with only Nancy for company. He said he’d stop me from going unless I agreed to allow Cousin Butch to come with me. I said I’d love Cousin Butch to come and then Dad stopped talking. It looks like the gap year’s still on. He spent the next few minutes playing with his Lucky Charms and then said he was worried about the next three months and who I was likely to come into contact with, especially whilst he was out at work. Given Nancy was at camp, I told him I was only planning on spending my days in the library. He said the library was fine but that I should call him once every half an hour to check-in. He left for work with a grimace on his face and then later at dinner, after he’d said grace, he was asking if I’d seen that kid Tyler again. I told him I’d seen Tyler at the library reading a book with an upside-down cover and that he’d also been in the park when I took Button for a walk. Dad got real mad, which was scary because he rarely gets mad, even though it seems to be happening more frequently these days, and then he said that tomorrow I was coming to work with him and that he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I jumped up and gave him a big hug because I love my dad and would love to see where he works. He seemed surprised by my reaction and settled down after that, which about brings us up-to-date. Right now, we’re on the subway and Dad’s sitting close. I can’t wait to meet his colleagues and get this reference he’s promised. Maybe at lunch, we can go for cupcakes. I think today’s going to be fun. No, in fact, I think the next three months are going to be fun. Dad works for a large venture capitalist firm at the top of one of the tallest buildings in the city, which means he spends his time looking for young businesses to invest in. Dad taught me all about investing. Dad’s boss is called Mr Ruddiger, who apparently is one of the richest men in New York City. Dad speaks highly of him, at least as an investor, but he also says that as a man he’s quite terrifying. Apparently, he’s huge and spends his evenings lifting weights and sparring with real-life bare-knuckle boxers who come in off the street. I’m not sure I can think of anything more terrifying than that. Dad says his face is constantly bruised and the whole office is scared of him. Dad also says I have to remember to stay away from Mr Ruddiger. There are other people Dad says I also need to stay away from. He handed me a list of names consisting of some of the younger, unmarried men who work there. Dad’s voice became very solemn when he said that unless it was absolutely essential work related business then the bad men on the list had to be avoided. Walking through the station, Dad’s holding my hand so tight that it almost hurts, whilst in the other hand he’s brandishing his briefcase like a weapon. Only after entering the tower and passing through security does he relax and now we’re in an elevator heading up for what seems like forever. When the doors finally open, it feels like I’m in the sky, only there’s a lot of noise and excitement and everybody’s so busy.

  “Now,” Dad lets go of my hand and turns to look at me with that solemn serious face again, “remember what I told you.”

  “Yes, Dad.”

  He takes me to his department and introduces me to a few faces but I don’t know what Dad’s so worried about, everybody seems so friendly, especially the men, and particularly the younger ones. Several of them make the same dopey-eyed expression I recognize from Tyler, and he turned out to be completely harmless.

  Dad has the largest desk in the entire department and it’s right by the window overlooking the city. I spend the first few hours sitting with him as he teaches me more about investing but it doesn’t take long before I’m bored by it because it all sounds so easy. Dad always makes his job sound really fun but I’m going to Harvard to learn mathematics because I want to become an operations research analyst. Sorry Dad, I guess I’m not very much like you at all and won’t be following in your footsteps.

  Eventually, Dad tells me to do some filing but after only a couple of minutes, I notice the problems with his filing system. I scribble down a few ideas on a piece of paper and take the note to him, whilst excitedly explaining that if he was to arrange his files by client instead of investment code then each policy would be grouped together and by my calculations, the department could cut time spent filing by twenty-seven percent. He’s really happy but then I realize I made a m
istake because now he’s designated me to the task of rearranging the entire system. I slap my forehead and remember a famous quote by that yellow cartoon man who’s always on TV.

  Before I can set myself to this task, Dad says it’s time for a Has Beans run and it’s my job to take the department’s orders before heading to the store on the ground floor of the building. I’m surprised Dad is allowing me to go alone but I can only assume that after my filing proposition, he thinks I can handle it. I take a pad and under Dad’s watchful eye, I approach Karl, a young man who looks fresh out of college and say, “hello, what would you like from Has Beans?”

  His head tilts and he gives me a deranged look. “Can you whip my frappuccino?”

  “Whipped frappuccino,” I write down before thanking him and moving over to Eddie.

  He spends the entirety of the interaction gazing at gran’s knitting. “Can you grind my beans?” It’s a strange sounding drink but I write it down and move onto Ben.

  Ben’s in a far worse state than anybody else and I wonder what he’s doing with his hand beneath the desk. I bounce once on my toes and poise with my pen. “Hello, Ben, what can I get you from Has Beans?”

  His eyes roll back in his head. “Huuurgghhhh, can I get a muffin please?”

  I hesitate and consider calling the doctor but hopefully, a nice muffin filled with cream will make him feel better. When I finish taking the orders, I glance down the items on the list and can’t help but wonder what a strange coffee place this Has Beans must be.

  The barista gives me a funny look too and shows the list to his boss. I’m standing there for what seems like forever when finally, I’m handed a bag and a large tray filled with a dozen drinks for the department. There’s a mixture of hot and cold, about a dozen in total, and I can’t wait to sit down with Dad so that I can enjoy my cherry ice mountain. I pay for the items on a company credit card and head back through security and into the elevator. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the exact number of the level I’m heading and there are so many buttons on the board, so I just press one near the top and hope for the best.